Your 'Love'

Loving you was like,

jumping off a bridge into a rushing current of ice cold, murky black, steal your life away water.

I was falling into it.
Falling forward
Falling behind
Falling down
Falling head over heels
Falling fast
Falling faster
Falling for you
Falling to my death
Falling in love

It was an adrenaline rush, it was painful, it was remarkable, it hurt like hell, it felt so imaginary, it was so real, it was confusing, it was completely straight forward. It was such a beautiful mistake.

It hit me,
Or I hit it. hard.
The water was so cold.
The current pulled me under.
You were right there.
You were so cold.
You pulled me under.

My mistake. The choice I made. I chose to love you. Now I’m hurt, and these wounds run deep. Deeper than this violent river. This horrible river I called Your Love. This wasn’t love, this was nothing but abuse. Still, why do I still care for you, why do I still love you?

I made the wrong choice,
Can I go back and choose door number two?
My mistake
My turn to jump
My turn to fall
My turn to crash
My turn to hurt
My turn to try
My turn to fail
My turn to regret
My turn to die

Leaving you was like…

swimming to the edge of Your Love, missing the familiarity of ice cold water stinging my cuts, just to die painfully alone on shore while everyone else everywhere else says in their minds it’ll all be okay.