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Submitted on
December 30, 2009
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you should know that:
I'm not a writer. I'm just a girl that chews on other people's emotions and spits out the feelings on notebook paper. I'm just spewing out phrases with copy write protection and mapping newfound stories across your eyes. I give them titles and genres, I correct them of grammar errors and staple the pages together. Please don't think of this as noteworthy. Because I'm the result of word searches shoved down sore throats and question marks the spot, the exclamation points that hold me up will bring you down. and when I'm up at two o'clock in the morning with Microsoft word as my only companion it's not because I want to let it all out, it's because I can't sleep until I do. There's nothing special about my unscrambled words or emotionally laced poems, this is just my self-prescribed medication and unrealistic dreams jammed under the hood of your car so we know that we'll never go anywhere.

I'm no priceless jewel or rare prize. I'm nothing special. I just wouldn't be classified as average. There's nothing unique about myself, no wondrous talent, but there might be differences between me and everyone else. So put your pen and paper down, dear scientist, because there's no use wasting it on a girl who breathes in fiction. But don't be fooled by the whole, all my little details, all my tiniest flaws are dangerous. Every little bit of me will test your patience and my sticky fingers will push your buttons. And when you get tired of this puzzle you'll find the cruelest way to get rid of my heart's pieces. because I'm reckless, I'm witty, I'm uncouth and sarcastic, I'm the universe that denied your logic because to me in was useless nonsense. and those reasons alone should be enough for you to  stay clear of me and respect the skin deep caution tape because if you, my friend, were to try to cut me open and take a look at my insides, my secrets would sicken you.

I have absolutely no faith in us. I have no hope to waste this that is possibility and not fact. Don't expect me to whisper your name while stars fall gracefully, leaving behind the midnight sky for someplace new. Don't expect your name echoing in the bare wasteland of my mind as my memories chant it throughout my insides as the last flame flickers on my birthday candles. Because you and I don't add up just to equal clichés and, in fact, I'd rather wish for something practical. I'm not going to wait for you when you decide you're not sure if you want me anymore. And even though that alarm on the clock hasn't buzzed yet, trust me, one day you will wake up one morning fight aftermath to ponder on the thought. Because compared to gold I'm rust, compared to silk gowns I'm threadbare. I'm an infant of yesterday, a fetus of tomorrow, and a newborn of today. I'm still learning how to stand on my own and I'm still just dreaming about life, so don't be surprised that I'm not old enough to say 'I love you.' but if it adds to the cause I will say that I'm dependent and if it comes down to my feelings I really don't want you to go. This isn't the "tilt your head to the side at just the right angle and go 'aww' moment" because I won't stop you if you turn your back to me. I won't chase after you if you decide to run away. Because my legs won't hold me up so I'll stare straight forward, watching you fade into the distant memories. And my features will be composed as my lips repeat the same thing, "fine, everything's just fine," but on the inside I'll miss you. Because, truthfully, I like it when you hold me and say nothing at all even though I really want to hear your voice. And I like when your skin burns mine and you say you love me even though I've never even said it back to you.
from,
the girl that doesn't
love you, but
whose heart skips a
beat every time you're
near.
well i'm just a ripped up hallmark card for losers that some poor sucker tried to tape back together....no one's perfect.

i'd love to hear what your{yes, YOU} thoughts on the piece are. good or bad, questions or comments, all are wlecome.

:peace:
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:icondaghrgenzen:
Critique by daghrgenzen Dec 31, 2009, 12:13:46 AM
First of all, I am not very good at giving critique, but since you've asked for it, I'll give it a try. =)

I almost skipped reading this, but I'm glad I did not. Why did I almost skip this? Because the text is written with the small font code, and the text is quite long. I understand that this might be the way you like it, but it could also be that it scares possible readers away. :shrug: Small, long text is a bit hard to read from a screen... Anyway, that is my opinion only, someone else might think differently about this matter, but nevertheless, since this is my opinion and my eyes, I need to give Vision 3 and a half stars - it's not overly difficult to read, but... :shrug: As a Technique, the small font gets 1 star - it is quite effective, to arouse people's interest.. "What's written here...?" or something like that! :D

Now, to the text itself. First, did you use small letters in the beginning of clauses by accident or well knowing what you were doing? I noticed that you always wrote 'I' and most first letters of the clauses in big capitals, but then were a lot of lines when you did not. (Example: There's nothing special about... vs. because I'm reckless, I'm witty...) Without knowing your other stuff, I cannot say whether this was a human mistake (or Microsoft Word's) or do you use it as something that wakes people up, forces them to read your writing more carefully - and not for the errors, but for the depthness of the text, its feelings. If it was used as a Technique, it gets 2 stars - it did make me read this more carefully! ;P

And now. Your writing is... amazing. Wonderful. I feel I can relate to it, which means others may possible relate to it as well. I was once in a situation similar to yours: for years I had doubted myself and others, but mostly myself. But then, one young appeared in my life, totally out of the blue, and few weeks after that I found myself in his arms. I too doubted our relationship would last for long, but it's been almost two years now. I still feel sometimes that he doesn't love me, that there'll be the time when he gets bored with me. But then I decided, I'd enjoy this with my full heart as long as I can. There was also a time when I was unable to tell him I love him, even though the words were already hanging from the tip of my tongue, they were there but I was locked with fear, so I couldn't say it. Now I can tell it him so spontaneously it makes me laugh... heh...

*cough* Ahem... Moving on. You use such... metaphors, I guess that's the word. You describe a part of you - a huge part of you - in words that not many would have used, you use them so beautifully. This flows on well, it doesn't get jammed in any part and get too repetitious, like an old broken CD. You move on with your thoughts, finally guiding us readers to the end of the text. Your emotions here... they can also be used as a Technique: I'd give at least 4 more stars, but I'm running out of them, so I'll give another two.~~ Also, your emotions brings Originality to the text - I give 4 and a half again, not just because of how your emotions show off, scream out from the text, but also because of your writing style: the way you've used the words, the order of the text (how it evolves from self-description to the description of how you feel with this person you wrote about). =)

I think this is one of the remarkable "love letters" I've ever read. I can't help it but like this text so much. It means a lot to me, and.. I do believe it means a lot to many others as well. =)

You're a good.. no, I can tell from this one text that you're an amazing writer. You describe yourself in a way that I've never seen anyone describe themselves. It's just... wow. Impact gets immediately the 5 stars: would get more, but.. yeah.

I bet you have a bright future ahead of you, if you just want to. :heart:

I hope this was of any help. ^^; If not, then... then I need more practice. x)
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:iconyelnatz:
Yelnatz Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2010  Student General Artist
Great story. It doesn't strike me as hallmark or cliche at all. I think it's very creative. The first line is great. The phrases you use to describe things are just so genius! How did you even think of them???

P.S. I'm sorry I ruined the roll. You had 32 favs AND 32 comments. Now I've gone and thrown it off wack for you!! :P
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:iconlittlemouse015:
littlemouse015 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this is truly amazing. Very deep, very personal, very filled with emotion. The way you put it all stirs me up, and I feel like I have to read it over and over again to understand every little thing. The amount of thought you put into this is evident, it seems as if you spent hours making this incredible piece. I wish I could say more about what it actually meant, instead of singing its praises, but nothing comes to mind. Perhaps I am... boggled? By what all this means? But I just can't find the words. All in all, this is fantastic. It's hard to sum up what i think of this piece, because it is very though-provoking, but that's the best i supose I can do.
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:iconkawaii-anime-vamp911:
thank you, i'm so glad you liked it.=]
i did spend a lot of time on it, but it was more words spewing out of my mind so it didn't feel so long. don't worry so much about being boggled, i'm actually flattered by it because it's telling me you thought about what i wrote and that means the most.:hug:
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:iconlittlemouse015:
littlemouse015 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
eeeeee! *that's my smile sound* :hug: 2 u 2
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:iconsolidsake:
SolidSake Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009
this is deep. :o very well written
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:iconkawaii-anime-vamp911:
kawaii-anime-vamp911 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
thanks:heart:
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:iconlebrnjmes23:
lebrnjmes23 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009
Wow, love it. I think it pretty much says exactly what a lot of people want to, but can't put into words as perfectly as this. It's probably one of my favorite writing deviations on here, I don't know why I love it so much but something about the tone just makes me...relate? I don't know, but anyways, nice job :)
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:iconkawaii-anime-vamp911:
kawaii-anime-vamp911 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
thank you so much, i'm glad you liked it. :heart:
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:icones94:
ES94 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009
Absoulutely amazing!! I love this!
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:iconkawaii-anime-vamp911:
kawaii-anime-vamp911 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
thanks =]
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